Well that explains it!

New study shows housework cuts breast cancer risk???   Guess I was doomed from the beginning!
P.S. girls:  do not show ths post to your husbands!!
/http://truecancernews.com/cancer-news/housework-cuts-breast-cancer-risk/

early morning wake up call 1 hour ago

fyi - i just got this news..  tears still rolling down my face so i apologize for the mistakes..  usually i proof read or at least spell check.
at 7:30 am i got a call, i was thinking it was larry but no it was my surgeon.   calling to tell me about the results - not sure why they didnt wait until i was at the doctors today at 1 but anyways.   more bad news.  they didnt get clear margins..  cancer cells were trailing off on some sides so it is still in my breast tissue.  and yes it is in my lymph nodes.    i really dont know much more..   i dont understand why they tell you the bad stuff, make your mind go crazy for 4 hours,  then tell you the options.    hopefully there are options.

The good the bad and the ugly.. Today! April 8th, 2010

Ok I know I have skipped a few post, but since I made my blog public and have followers now, here is a quick update of where I am today. I am now being treated at Dana Farber. I have a surgeon, oncologist and high risk ob/gyn on my team.
The good: I am pregnant! And I am keeping my baby!
The bad: I have breast cancer. Her 2+ and I am having my lumpectomy today with sentinel node biopsy.
The ugly: Well the surgery of course, after applying some nipple numbing cream and taking a sedative, my breast will be cut open and the tumor removed. Both I and my baby will be under sedation during the surgery but once I wake up, so will the baby, and I will hear the heart beat today to reassure me everything has gone well.  
xoxo

My PR manager, my support group and my inspirations. March 13th, 2010

Throughout the weekend, as more and more friends and family learned about my breast cancer, the prayers began and their worry and concern took over. Since everyone wanted to give me space, or maybe didn’t know what to say to me, Sarah became my PR Manager! Everyone would email or call her for updates. I feel bad, she automatically took on this struggle with me, while she should be enjoying her first pregnancy too! We should be talking about baby names and morning sickness, not cancer treatments. But we will, and we do, now.  My sister, best friend, and now PR Manager, I probably should be paying her!

My husband, family and friends… and more friends… giving me support, messages, texts and prayers. And laughs… lots of laughs, some too dirty to share! “get the biggest implants you want!” “Free boob feels” or from Larry, “No Pity Parties!” “ Free breast exams from an expert!” Laughter definitely keeps it less stressful, so keep it coming, not much can offend me.

While spending the weekend reading every cancer website I could find, I came across two inspirations. First, as I was searching images of breast cancer, I came across a photographer who photographs breast cancer survivors. A week ago I was thinking about maternity photos, images of my baby resting on my breast and now I don’t know if I would have a baby or a breast to lay it on. His website had something different. Beautiful pictures, women showing courage, strength and happiness. These photos touched me so much, finally an image of peace, not pain. (a link to the photos will be added soon!)

My boob OR My baby??? March 12th, 2010

Friday… 3 doctors in one day. My second roller coaster ride is on its way. I learned more about cancer in 2 hours then I ever wanted to know, and then again with doctor #3 for 2 more hours, meeting with both the surgeon and the radiation oncologist. They wanted me on a fast track… surgery in 4 days and treatment soon after. Being pregnant I couldn’t have an MRI, and at that time, there wasn’t a safe way they could determine if it had spread past that lump. The doctors said so much, but all I remember that day was the outcome and my choice, I was pregnant, I have cancer, like this, I couldn’t have radiation. So if I wanted the best survival rate, I would have to choose 1 of two options: Keep my pregnancy but have a mastectomy. Or terminate my pregnancy, not need a mastectomy, and could then have radiation. In a couple weeks I needed to decide, do I want my boob or my baby??? Who makes a decision like this so quickly?? Larry and I are engineers, everyone knows we don’t make quick decisions. We gather all the facts, think about all options and outcomes, wait and think again, and then when ready, we make a decision.

Speechless…. March 11th, 2010

1 week ago I told the world I was pregnant and now I have breast cancer. As my mind relived the day before… And raced with what will happen to me… I had nothing to say. Life had just given me my biggest dream and now it was threatened.

”… I can’t believe what you said to me Last night when we were alone…You threw your hands up Baby you gave up, you gave up… You popped my heart seams On my bubble dreams, bubble dreams…How? How? How? Wow…Oh boy you’ve left me speechless, You’ve left me speechless, so speechless” 

Lady Gaga

Oh and I love Lady Gaga! Music may make me cry sometimes... but it also relaxes me.  Especially singing while driving alone, with the music turned up so loud no one can hear me!

The 12 week Ultrasound and the Lump. March 3, 2010

The day has come! 12 weeks, time to see our baby! The ultrasound was amazing! The baby looked like it waved to us, moving all around! How incredible for something so small to have so many features. Like most parents, we were amazed, relieved, thankful and for us, the happiest we had been in 4 years! We were having a baby, and had the ultrasound pictures to prove it! And yes, that day we told everyone else we knew.

After the ultrasound we met with the OB and I had an exam. During the breast exam, she felt a lump on my left breast. I remember Larry had felt a lump a week or so back, and asked me about it, but I thought, being pregnant, my body and breast were changing and I wasn’t concerned. To be thorough, the doctor suggested I go have a breast ultrasound but assured me not to worry, 90% of breast lumps are cysts or non cancerous tissue masses. For the next few days it was on my mind, but I decided to stop worrying about it. I was only 34, there was no history of breast cancer in my family, why would I have cancer? The chances are so small. And I was pregnant! And I deserve to be excited about it! So I was.

And so it begins…March 10th, 2010

I was driving home from work. I left early knowing I would get “The Call” around 5pm on Wed afternoon, but heading up RT 9, about 1 mile before my neighborhood, my cell phone rang. I looked down and knew it was the doctor calling about my results. I wanted to answer and say, can you please call my husband instead but I took a deep breath, said everything will be ok and said “hi, this is Rebecca”. Immediately I could tell from her voice that it wasn’t the best news, but still hopeful, I listened. “I’m sorry these are not the results we had hoped for.” My heart and head just stopped, my car went into auto drive. Tears began to roll down my face as the doctor explained - infiltrating ductal carcinoma. Carcinoma, cancer. Ductal, in my breast. Infiltrating? She explained, means invasive. I stopped listening as she explained more details, made it to my garage and closed my eyes and held my lower stomach. More words came, small tumor, surgeon, radiation, oncologist, treatment, chemo, act fast, and one more time, I’m sorry this was the result; we will do everything for you and your baby. You and you’re baby will be ok. My baby, holding my stomach more, after 4 long years of trying to conceive, I was finally pregnant with my first baby, 13 weeks and 2 days.