Surgery and The Days After... April 8th - April 11th, 2010

The surgery went well, very long day, but in the end it went well. We got there around 11am, and I had the radioisotopes injected into me. Waited around and then went to pre-op where I had a bunch of nurses come talk to me, an IV hooked up, which was great since I was so dehydrated from the no food/liquid after midnight rule and heard the babies heart beat. Beating strong. Then around 2 pm I was wheeled into the operating room. Lying on the table, under the big lights, as all the masked doctors and machines beeping surround me, I had my breakdown. I was so good up until then! I wasn’t scared for me, just for the baby. So I cried for a little as all the nurses came over to hold me and reassure me everything would be ok. Took a few deep breaths into the mask and out I was, and baby too, under anesthesia. Bye bye lump! About 2 hours later I woke up barely, but wasn’t ready to see Larry, sorry babe. Soon I heard the doctor say the procedure went well, the tumor was small, about pea size, they removed it and a good amount around it. They also removed 3 lymph nodes, each about the size of a peanut! Soon after the nurse came in and I heard the babies heart beat again!! Strong again! Stronger than mine! I was so relieved. I saw Larry for a little, we exchanged notes and then I felt sick so he left. And I slept for 2 more hours! Again, sorry Larry! I think we are now even for time spent in a waiting room for spouse!

My Coach, My Cheerleaders and A Player... Flashback to March 19th, 2010

So many great friends have been emailing me and showing their support, my favorite cheerleader a close friend, shared this, “NGU; Never Give Up!” Some nights after crying or staring at the TV, my coach Larry would say, ok enough pity party, not just NGU, it’s SIU now; Suck It Up! While walking around Boston’s hospital area, Larry and I walked by Boston Children’s Hospital. We saw so many children, walking around, bald or with cute hats on their head, smiling or yawning. How can I sit and cry and complain when these children are going through the same thing at 8 years old! They should be playing and having fun, not going for treatments. That was it. I need to Own It! Like a bad gift someone close to you gives you; you didn’t ask for it, you don’t want it, you cant give it away, so for now you own it! I have to Own this lousy Breast Cancer, Suck It Up, cry when I need to but stay strong, go to treatments and live as much of a “normal” life as I can and take some control back into my life, and Never Give Up for my baby and other women.

My boob OR My baby??? March 12th, 2010

Friday… 3 doctors in one day. My second roller coaster ride is on its way. I learned more about cancer in 2 hours then I ever wanted to know, and then again with doctor #3 for 2 more hours, meeting with both the surgeon and the radiation oncologist. They wanted me on a fast track… surgery in 4 days and treatment soon after. Being pregnant I couldn’t have an MRI, and at that time, there wasn’t a safe way they could determine if it had spread past that lump. The doctors said so much, but all I remember that day was the outcome and my choice, I was pregnant, I have cancer, like this, I couldn’t have radiation. So if I wanted the best survival rate, I would have to choose 1 of two options: Keep my pregnancy but have a mastectomy. Or terminate my pregnancy, not need a mastectomy, and could then have radiation. In a couple weeks I needed to decide, do I want my boob or my baby??? Who makes a decision like this so quickly?? Larry and I are engineers, everyone knows we don’t make quick decisions. We gather all the facts, think about all options and outcomes, wait and think again, and then when ready, we make a decision.

The roller coaster ride. Flashback to Nov 2006 to Dec 2009

Our journey to get pregnant was a rollercoaster ride on its own. After a year of trying on our own, in November of 2006 we met with Boston IVF. They were optimistic, suggesting in just a few months we could be pregnant. There are many advancements and options for a couple these days. I could probably create a whole blog dedicated to the ups and downs we went through to get pregnant but I will try and make it short.

Larry has crohn’s disease, which after a couple of years, he was doing great, managing his symptoms with medications and yearly checkup. Since he was doing well, a urologist suggested he stop the medication to better improve our chances to get pregnant naturally. And being the selfless person he is, Larry stopped his meds. 5 months later (May 07) he was in the emergency room with a blocked intestine, about to perforate, which ended in surgery that removed 2 ft of his intestines. 2 months later he had his second surgery and spent another week in the hospital. Having a baby is not worth risking losing my husband! Baby plans were put on hold until his health was back to normal about 6 months later.