Ok I know I have skipped a few post, but since I made my blog public and have followers now, here is a quick update of where I am today. I am now being treated at Dana Farber. I have a surgeon, oncologist and high risk ob/gyn on my team.
The good: I am pregnant! And I am keeping my baby!
The bad: I have breast cancer. Her 2+ and I am having my lumpectomy today with sentinel node biopsy.
The ugly: Well the surgery of course, after applying some nipple numbing cream and taking a sedative, my breast will be cut open and the tumor removed. Both I and my baby will be under sedation during the surgery but once I wake up, so will the baby, and I will hear the heart beat today to reassure me everything has gone well.
xoxo
Showing posts with label Pregnant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pregnant. Show all posts
Thursday, April 8, 2010
My PR manager, my support group and my inspirations. March 13th, 2010
Throughout the weekend, as more and more friends and family learned about my breast cancer, the prayers began and their worry and concern took over. Since everyone wanted to give me space, or maybe didn’t know what to say to me, Sarah became my PR Manager! Everyone would email or call her for updates. I feel bad, she automatically took on this struggle with me, while she should be enjoying her first pregnancy too! We should be talking about baby names and morning sickness, not cancer treatments. But we will, and we do, now. My sister, best friend, and now PR Manager, I probably should be paying her!
My husband, family and friends… and more friends… giving me support, messages, texts and prayers. And laughs… lots of laughs, some too dirty to share! “get the biggest implants you want!” “Free boob feels” or from Larry, “No Pity Parties!” “ Free breast exams from an expert!” Laughter definitely keeps it less stressful, so keep it coming, not much can offend me.
While spending the weekend reading every cancer website I could find, I came across two inspirations. First, as I was searching images of breast cancer, I came across a photographer who photographs breast cancer survivors. A week ago I was thinking about maternity photos, images of my baby resting on my breast and now I don’t know if I would have a baby or a breast to lay it on. His website had something different. Beautiful pictures, women showing courage, strength and happiness. These photos touched me so much, finally an image of peace, not pain. (a link to the photos will be added soon!)
My husband, family and friends… and more friends… giving me support, messages, texts and prayers. And laughs… lots of laughs, some too dirty to share! “get the biggest implants you want!” “Free boob feels” or from Larry, “No Pity Parties!” “ Free breast exams from an expert!” Laughter definitely keeps it less stressful, so keep it coming, not much can offend me.
While spending the weekend reading every cancer website I could find, I came across two inspirations. First, as I was searching images of breast cancer, I came across a photographer who photographs breast cancer survivors. A week ago I was thinking about maternity photos, images of my baby resting on my breast and now I don’t know if I would have a baby or a breast to lay it on. His website had something different. Beautiful pictures, women showing courage, strength and happiness. These photos touched me so much, finally an image of peace, not pain. (a link to the photos will be added soon!)
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
My boob OR My baby??? March 12th, 2010
Friday… 3 doctors in one day. My second roller coaster ride is on its way. I learned more about cancer in 2 hours then I ever wanted to know, and then again with doctor #3 for 2 more hours, meeting with both the surgeon and the radiation oncologist. They wanted me on a fast track… surgery in 4 days and treatment soon after. Being pregnant I couldn’t have an MRI, and at that time, there wasn’t a safe way they could determine if it had spread past that lump. The doctors said so much, but all I remember that day was the outcome and my choice, I was pregnant, I have cancer, like this, I couldn’t have radiation. So if I wanted the best survival rate, I would have to choose 1 of two options: Keep my pregnancy but have a mastectomy. Or terminate my pregnancy, not need a mastectomy, and could then have radiation. In a couple weeks I needed to decide, do I want my boob or my baby??? Who makes a decision like this so quickly?? Larry and I are engineers, everyone knows we don’t make quick decisions. We gather all the facts, think about all options and outcomes, wait and think again, and then when ready, we make a decision.
Speechless…. March 11th, 2010
1 week ago I told the world I was pregnant and now I have breast cancer. As my mind relived the day before… And raced with what will happen to me… I had nothing to say. Life had just given me my biggest dream and now it was threatened.
”… I can’t believe what you said to me Last night when we were alone…You threw your hands up Baby you gave up, you gave up… You popped my heart seams On my bubble dreams, bubble dreams…How? How? How? Wow…Oh boy you’ve left me speechless, You’ve left me speechless, so speechless”
Lady Gaga
Oh and I love Lady Gaga! Music may make me cry sometimes... but it also relaxes me. Especially singing while driving alone, with the music turned up so loud no one can hear me!
Fasten your seatbelt; you’re going on another ride! March 9th, 2010
Did I mention I HATE roller coasters and amusement parks?
I went in to the Breast Clinic, one of the youngest women in the room. I tried to remain strong, but I was scared. Because I was pregnant, I couldn’t have a mammogram so I was given a breast ultrasound. And there is was, my lump on the screen. Not nearly as exciting as looking at my baby. The doctor measured and took pictures and determined it was not a cyst. My heart and hope dropped a little. But still it could be just a fibroid. The only way to know was to do a needle biopsy, and within a half hour, 6 pieces of my tumor had been removed for diagnostic testing. I left scared, frightened, but again was told the chances are so small that it was cancer. Up and down. That happiness I just had last week was put on hold for a night as I waited for the results. And then March 10th came. (Read first post for details of that day)
I went in to the Breast Clinic, one of the youngest women in the room. I tried to remain strong, but I was scared. Because I was pregnant, I couldn’t have a mammogram so I was given a breast ultrasound. And there is was, my lump on the screen. Not nearly as exciting as looking at my baby. The doctor measured and took pictures and determined it was not a cyst. My heart and hope dropped a little. But still it could be just a fibroid. The only way to know was to do a needle biopsy, and within a half hour, 6 pieces of my tumor had been removed for diagnostic testing. I left scared, frightened, but again was told the chances are so small that it was cancer. Up and down. That happiness I just had last week was put on hold for a night as I waited for the results. And then March 10th came. (Read first post for details of that day)
Positive test result!!! Jan 5th, 2010
I remember that day so clearly. The doctor’s office called, my voicemail had a new message. I couldn’t wait until I got home and my sister couldn’t either. My friend Tijana and I went to a private area at work, and on speaker, listened to the message together. “I am happy to tell you, you have a positive pregnancy test result.” We screamed! I cried! My first positive pregnancy test ever! I quickly called Sarah (yes, before Larry) and then Larry and my mom and soon after my friends. A few days later my second test and yes, I’m still pregnant! I was never so excited, so ecstatic! Finally!
To make it even better, Sarah was having a baby too! And as fate may have it, we were both due on Sept 12th! It is so wonderful to be able to go through this experience with both your husband and your best friend! Maybe this is why it took me so long to get pregnant? So Larry and I could share the journey with Sarah and Jesse!
To make it even better, Sarah was having a baby too! And as fate may have it, we were both due on Sept 12th! It is so wonderful to be able to go through this experience with both your husband and your best friend! Maybe this is why it took me so long to get pregnant? So Larry and I could share the journey with Sarah and Jesse!
The roller coaster ride. Flashback to Nov 2006 to Dec 2009
Our journey to get pregnant was a rollercoaster ride on its own. After a year of trying on our own, in November of 2006 we met with Boston IVF. They were optimistic, suggesting in just a few months we could be pregnant. There are many advancements and options for a couple these days. I could probably create a whole blog dedicated to the ups and downs we went through to get pregnant but I will try and make it short.
Larry has crohn’s disease, which after a couple of years, he was doing great, managing his symptoms with medications and yearly checkup. Since he was doing well, a urologist suggested he stop the medication to better improve our chances to get pregnant naturally. And being the selfless person he is, Larry stopped his meds. 5 months later (May 07) he was in the emergency room with a blocked intestine, about to perforate, which ended in surgery that removed 2 ft of his intestines. 2 months later he had his second surgery and spent another week in the hospital. Having a baby is not worth risking losing my husband! Baby plans were put on hold until his health was back to normal about 6 months later.
Larry has crohn’s disease, which after a couple of years, he was doing great, managing his symptoms with medications and yearly checkup. Since he was doing well, a urologist suggested he stop the medication to better improve our chances to get pregnant naturally. And being the selfless person he is, Larry stopped his meds. 5 months later (May 07) he was in the emergency room with a blocked intestine, about to perforate, which ended in surgery that removed 2 ft of his intestines. 2 months later he had his second surgery and spent another week in the hospital. Having a baby is not worth risking losing my husband! Baby plans were put on hold until his health was back to normal about 6 months later.
And so it begins…March 10th, 2010
I was driving home from work. I left early knowing I would get “The Call” around 5pm on Wed afternoon, but heading up RT 9, about 1 mile before my neighborhood, my cell phone rang. I looked down and knew it was the doctor calling about my results. I wanted to answer and say, can you please call my husband instead but I took a deep breath, said everything will be ok and said “hi, this is Rebecca”. Immediately I could tell from her voice that it wasn’t the best news, but still hopeful, I listened. “I’m sorry these are not the results we had hoped for.” My heart and head just stopped, my car went into auto drive. Tears began to roll down my face as the doctor explained - infiltrating ductal carcinoma. Carcinoma, cancer. Ductal, in my breast. Infiltrating? She explained, means invasive. I stopped listening as she explained more details, made it to my garage and closed my eyes and held my lower stomach. More words came, small tumor, surgeon, radiation, oncologist, treatment, chemo, act fast, and one more time, I’m sorry this was the result; we will do everything for you and your baby. You and you’re baby will be ok. My baby, holding my stomach more, after 4 long years of trying to conceive, I was finally pregnant with my first baby, 13 weeks and 2 days.
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