Thursday, March 10, 2011

1 Boob, 2 Bras!

Ok I wanted to share a few things about having 1 breast.. mostly for other women.  
First and foremost...  what I did learn is my boob does NOT define me.   I was so nervous before surgery that I would be a different person without the boob.. but even the next day I was the same.    I was still a mom, still a wife, sister, daughter, friend..  still funny and still a woman. 
Larry is still an amazing husband..  still loves me, still is attracted to me..    As he would say... Your other boob still is great!  
The chest wall.  With the breast removed my chest wall is so flat.. feels like it's to the bone/ribs.  Or like a teenage boy! No muscle, no fat, just skin on bone.  (again if only my abs/thighs could be more like this!)  Sometimes I think I can feel cold drinks pass through my esophagus now, or my heart beating!

Another problem with the left boob gone..  there is now a direct view to my stomach!  Before the breast bump could somewhat hide the stomach bump..  Not now.  I will need to work on that!  
The foam boob..  I should take a picture soon.  Basically I was given a sports bra thing that holds a foam boob. It was stiff, shaped like a big triangle and not at all real looking or feeling.  It basically was worn to fill in space under a shirt..  Besides being so uncomfortable the foam boob was so stiff. The sports bra thing did not have any support.. so my fake foam boob was up higher than my real boob.  If I just placed the foam boob into a regular wired bra it would shift.. and eventually be coming out of my shirt at my neck!     For a couple of days I tried so hard to even out the breasts..  
One day my best option was.. 2 bras!   Yep I would wear the sports bra to hold the foam boob in place.. and than place a regular to lift my right real boob.  They were even.. but 2 bras are not comfortable! 

Finally I received my real fake boob!  The chicken cutlet.. it feels nice, has great shape and fits in my regular bra once a pocket is sewn.   I was able to buy it at Nordstroms!   Who knew they sold boobs!  And they will fix any bras purchased there.    I will take some pictures soon!  But at least for now..  I have 1 great boob, 1 great fake boob, and some nice bras!

Surgery day - Dec 14th

Hi everyone!  I know it has been a while since I last posted.  Again just enjoying my nights with Emelia and Larry!  But here are some updates on whats been going on.. and how I have been feeling!

For the weeks and days leading to my Mastectomy in December I was a mess.  Mostly scared and sadden to lose a part of me.  Wondering how I would change.. if I could still be me.   As with most struggles... the weeks before and the anticipation are always worse than the actual event and the days after.    A few things helped me get threw it.  A couple of weeks before the surgery I had a Bye Bye Boobie party!  Lots of friends, drinks, food and fun!  Great time and really helped me relax before the big day.   

The morning of the surgery Larry did his share to make me laugh.  We had to be at MGH early.. 6:30 am.  Larry was tired.. didn't eat and maybe just a little nervous/concerned.  We were in the pre-surgery room, I was laying on a bed, getting prepped..  He stood and watched the nurse put my IV in my hand.   Probably not a good idea!  All of a sudden.. he was pale.. shaky.. and 1, 2 , 3..  passing out .. heading toward the floor!   The nurses called for help.. and had him in a chair.. started taking his blood pressure.. but it was so low.. no pulse..  and then they looked at me and said.. Rebecca can you get up and move.. we need to give Larry your bed!   haha- of course.. always stealing my moment!   He was hooked up to oxygen and given some food-   Waving to me laughing as I was eventually moved to a new stretcher and into surgery!  It did help make me laugh. 

The surgery was fine..  I was asleep!   Since I did not do reconstruction that day and my lymph nodes were removed previously, it wasn't as bad as I expected.  I was even able to go home that afternoon!  Of course I got sick.. I always do. But by later that night I was fine.

The hardest part of the next few days was not being able to lift Emelia.  I could physically.. but I wasn't supposed to because I had a drain in and they didn't want fluid to build up in my chest wall.  Recovery wasn't too bad.   The drain was in for 3 weeks.  Since it was over Christmas, the holiday and company helped distract me.   

Babies Babies Babies!

I promised everyone a post about babies.. and here it is!   Emelia is the best!  And Ava is a very close second!  (Also Larry, Sarah, my parents, friends...)   But Back to babies!   Every day is just filled with joy, hearing new sounds from Emmy's voice, watching her learn and figure things out.. or just try to attempt to put everything in her mouth!  And then those little touches and looks..  melts my heart! 

In the last few months we have done a lot!  Mostly we try to spend time with Sarah, Jesse and Ava.  We have had 2 sleepovers there which were a blast.. they are slowly starting to recognize each other!   We have also had a few fun play dates!  And a great time at a birthday party at the gym!  She loved the balance beam! We take her to the mall, to dinners, and to friends houses too!  Larry's parents were able to visit in December for Christmas and we all really enjoyed their company and her spending time with them!   My mom lovingly watches Emelia 4 days a week!  It's great for both of them!

Emmy and Ava

Emelia loves to make raspberries and can now sit up on her own.  A few times she goes for a toy and face plants into the mat.   One day she rolled over 3 times for me..  but since then its been a struggle!   Here are a couple pictures of her. Today she weighs 14lbs 2 oz..  4percentile! 

Larry has been the best dad ever!  Always playing with her and teaching her new things.   And he makes all her food!