March 10th 2010 marked my 1 year since my diagnosis of Breast Cancer. Sometimes it feels like this last year has been so long yet most times it's hard to believe how much we have accomplished in this last year. They say you are a survivor from the day you are diagnosed with cancer. I have to admit tho I am still confused by this concept. For me, since I am still in chemo until August, I have a hard time saying I am a survivor. I am ok with saying I have been battling breast cancer for 1 year but have I really survived if I am still in treatment? What about when my chemo is complete. There is no 1 guarantee test that says OK you are 100% cancer free. For most people you wait it out. You go through life hoping that any pain or sickness isn't serious and you celebrate the milestones at 2 years, 5 years, 10 years... Will only after 5 years and no cancer has returned then will I be a survivor? Can you only survive an event that has a specific beginning and end date or time? Such as a war or a tornado?
But what about those who know there is no cure for their cancer. They will be in and out of treatments for the rest of their hopefully long lives. Are they not cancer survivors? Let's go to the expert.. Mr. Webster.
Survive:
1. To remain alive or in existence.
~This definition sounds so depressing to me. To remain alive? We all remain alive and are in existence. I would hope I am living more than to just exist.
2. To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere:
~ to persevere - hang in there - while this is better than the first definition it still does not reflect the importance of a cancer survivor.
How do you define a survivor?
To me it is a combination of both. I would hope when one looks at me as a survivor, either today, in August or in 5 years from now they not only see that I persevered through my 18 months of cancer treatments but that I lived! I enjoy life. I participate in life. I laugh with my family. I make memories with my friends. I kiss my husband. I get on the floor and get silly with my daughter. It is in these moments that I am a survivor. These moments where I feel alive! And I love the feeling!
Words from a popular Nicki Minaj song...
I fly with the stars in the skies
I am no longer trying to survive
I believe that life is a prize
But to live doesn't mean you're alive
...
I wish that I could have this moment 4 life, 4 life, 4 life
Cause In this moment, i just feel so alive, alive, alive
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Burn Baby Burn
Since I haven't written in a while, I'll write a few post from the last couple of months. In February I went to Framingham for radiation. It was every morning around 7am for 33 days. There was no way I was driving to Boston ever day for 33 days in a row.. especially in the snow and commuting hours. Dana-Farber recommended Framingham Cancer center for radiation. 7 minutes from my house! The first day I was so nervous - I knew it wouldn't physically hurt but I also knew something was beaming down right at my heart. I laid on this table with my arms in some awkward position above my head and my head turned to the side. The head position was the most uncomfortable part physically - especially when the first week or two it took about 30 minutes.
I cried. But not from the pain. I have come to realize anytime I do something for the first time - cancer related - I will probably cry. To me it was another reminder that I have breast cancer and that it is serious. I have gotten so used to chemo - every 3 weeks stop in to Boston, see my nurse, get hooked up, play on laptop, leave. Felt almost like just a typical doctors visit.. almost forgetting that I am getting some strong drug injected into my body to kill my cells. I think it's a good thing to get comfortable and forget the details for this anyways! So being my first day at radiation I was reminded that yes you have cancer and you are still being treated. And I cried. But days went by and the action became repetitive and took less time and the tears were replaced with quick small talk with the nurse and off to work!
My skin handled radiation pretty well I think. I would put lotion on every night.. a lot of lotion.. so much that my shirt would stick to my chest wall. And soon you could see my tan! a Big square tan area where my breast used to be. (it's still slightly tan today) Towards the end of treatments my skin did begin to peal - just like any bad sunburn - and the raw skin was exposed. I had to stop treatment for a couple days to let it heal so that it wouldn't blister or form puss. Again lots more lotion.. now the thick aquaphor. After a few days off I resumed treatment and before you know it 33 treatments were over! Another cancer step complete!
I cried. But not from the pain. I have come to realize anytime I do something for the first time - cancer related - I will probably cry. To me it was another reminder that I have breast cancer and that it is serious. I have gotten so used to chemo - every 3 weeks stop in to Boston, see my nurse, get hooked up, play on laptop, leave. Felt almost like just a typical doctors visit.. almost forgetting that I am getting some strong drug injected into my body to kill my cells. I think it's a good thing to get comfortable and forget the details for this anyways! So being my first day at radiation I was reminded that yes you have cancer and you are still being treated. And I cried. But days went by and the action became repetitive and took less time and the tears were replaced with quick small talk with the nurse and off to work!
My skin handled radiation pretty well I think. I would put lotion on every night.. a lot of lotion.. so much that my shirt would stick to my chest wall. And soon you could see my tan! a Big square tan area where my breast used to be. (it's still slightly tan today) Towards the end of treatments my skin did begin to peal - just like any bad sunburn - and the raw skin was exposed. I had to stop treatment for a couple days to let it heal so that it wouldn't blister or form puss. Again lots more lotion.. now the thick aquaphor. After a few days off I resumed treatment and before you know it 33 treatments were over! Another cancer step complete!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
1 Boob, 2 Bras!
Ok I wanted to share a few things about having 1 breast.. mostly for other women.
First and foremost... what I did learn is my boob does NOT define me. I was so nervous before surgery that I would be a different person without the boob.. but even the next day I was the same. I was still a mom, still a wife, sister, daughter, friend.. still funny and still a woman.
Larry is still an amazing husband.. still loves me, still is attracted to me.. As he would say... Your other boob still is great!
The chest wall. With the breast removed my chest wall is so flat.. feels like it's to the bone/ribs. Or like a teenage boy! No muscle, no fat, just skin on bone. (again if only my abs/thighs could be more like this!) Sometimes I think I can feel cold drinks pass through my esophagus now, or my heart beating!
Another problem with the left boob gone.. there is now a direct view to my stomach! Before the breast bump could somewhat hide the stomach bump.. Not now. I will need to work on that!
The foam boob.. I should take a picture soon. Basically I was given a sports bra thing that holds a foam boob. It was stiff, shaped like a big triangle and not at all real looking or feeling. It basically was worn to fill in space under a shirt.. Besides being so uncomfortable the foam boob was so stiff. The sports bra thing did not have any support.. so my fake foam boob was up higher than my real boob. If I just placed the foam boob into a regular wired bra it would shift.. and eventually be coming out of my shirt at my neck! For a couple of days I tried so hard to even out the breasts..
One day my best option was.. 2 bras! Yep I would wear the sports bra to hold the foam boob in place.. and than place a regular to lift my right real boob. They were even.. but 2 bras are not comfortable!
Finally I received my real fake boob! The chicken cutlet.. it feels nice, has great shape and fits in my regular bra once a pocket is sewn. I was able to buy it at Nordstroms! Who knew they sold boobs! And they will fix any bras purchased there. I will take some pictures soon! But at least for now.. I have 1 great boob, 1 great fake boob, and some nice bras!
First and foremost... what I did learn is my boob does NOT define me. I was so nervous before surgery that I would be a different person without the boob.. but even the next day I was the same. I was still a mom, still a wife, sister, daughter, friend.. still funny and still a woman.
Larry is still an amazing husband.. still loves me, still is attracted to me.. As he would say... Your other boob still is great!
The chest wall. With the breast removed my chest wall is so flat.. feels like it's to the bone/ribs. Or like a teenage boy! No muscle, no fat, just skin on bone. (again if only my abs/thighs could be more like this!) Sometimes I think I can feel cold drinks pass through my esophagus now, or my heart beating!
Another problem with the left boob gone.. there is now a direct view to my stomach! Before the breast bump could somewhat hide the stomach bump.. Not now. I will need to work on that!
The foam boob.. I should take a picture soon. Basically I was given a sports bra thing that holds a foam boob. It was stiff, shaped like a big triangle and not at all real looking or feeling. It basically was worn to fill in space under a shirt.. Besides being so uncomfortable the foam boob was so stiff. The sports bra thing did not have any support.. so my fake foam boob was up higher than my real boob. If I just placed the foam boob into a regular wired bra it would shift.. and eventually be coming out of my shirt at my neck! For a couple of days I tried so hard to even out the breasts..
One day my best option was.. 2 bras! Yep I would wear the sports bra to hold the foam boob in place.. and than place a regular to lift my right real boob. They were even.. but 2 bras are not comfortable!
Finally I received my real fake boob! The chicken cutlet.. it feels nice, has great shape and fits in my regular bra once a pocket is sewn. I was able to buy it at Nordstroms! Who knew they sold boobs! And they will fix any bras purchased there. I will take some pictures soon! But at least for now.. I have 1 great boob, 1 great fake boob, and some nice bras!
Surgery day - Dec 14th
Hi everyone! I know it has been a while since I last posted. Again just enjoying my nights with Emelia and Larry! But here are some updates on whats been going on.. and how I have been feeling!
For the weeks and days leading to my Mastectomy in December I was a mess. Mostly scared and sadden to lose a part of me. Wondering how I would change.. if I could still be me. As with most struggles... the weeks before and the anticipation are always worse than the actual event and the days after. A few things helped me get threw it. A couple of weeks before the surgery I had a Bye Bye Boobie party! Lots of friends, drinks, food and fun! Great time and really helped me relax before the big day.
The morning of the surgery Larry did his share to make me laugh. We had to be at MGH early.. 6:30 am. Larry was tired.. didn't eat and maybe just a little nervous/concerned. We were in the pre-surgery room, I was laying on a bed, getting prepped.. He stood and watched the nurse put my IV in my hand. Probably not a good idea! All of a sudden.. he was pale.. shaky.. and 1, 2 , 3.. passing out .. heading toward the floor! The nurses called for help.. and had him in a chair.. started taking his blood pressure.. but it was so low.. no pulse.. and then they looked at me and said.. Rebecca can you get up and move.. we need to give Larry your bed! haha- of course.. always stealing my moment! He was hooked up to oxygen and given some food- Waving to me laughing as I was eventually moved to a new stretcher and into surgery! It did help make me laugh.
The surgery was fine.. I was asleep! Since I did not do reconstruction that day and my lymph nodes were removed previously, it wasn't as bad as I expected. I was even able to go home that afternoon! Of course I got sick.. I always do. But by later that night I was fine.
The hardest part of the next few days was not being able to lift Emelia. I could physically.. but I wasn't supposed to because I had a drain in and they didn't want fluid to build up in my chest wall. Recovery wasn't too bad. The drain was in for 3 weeks. Since it was over Christmas, the holiday and company helped distract me.
For the weeks and days leading to my Mastectomy in December I was a mess. Mostly scared and sadden to lose a part of me. Wondering how I would change.. if I could still be me. As with most struggles... the weeks before and the anticipation are always worse than the actual event and the days after. A few things helped me get threw it. A couple of weeks before the surgery I had a Bye Bye Boobie party! Lots of friends, drinks, food and fun! Great time and really helped me relax before the big day.
The surgery was fine.. I was asleep! Since I did not do reconstruction that day and my lymph nodes were removed previously, it wasn't as bad as I expected. I was even able to go home that afternoon! Of course I got sick.. I always do. But by later that night I was fine.
The hardest part of the next few days was not being able to lift Emelia. I could physically.. but I wasn't supposed to because I had a drain in and they didn't want fluid to build up in my chest wall. Recovery wasn't too bad. The drain was in for 3 weeks. Since it was over Christmas, the holiday and company helped distract me.
Babies Babies Babies!
I promised everyone a post about babies.. and here it is! Emelia is the best! And Ava is a very close second! (Also Larry, Sarah, my parents, friends...) But Back to babies! Every day is just filled with joy, hearing new sounds from Emmy's voice, watching her learn and figure things out.. or just try to attempt to put everything in her mouth! And then those little touches and looks.. melts my heart!
In the last few months we have done a lot! Mostly we try to spend time with Sarah, Jesse and Ava. We have had 2 sleepovers there which were a blast.. they are slowly starting to recognize each other! We have also had a few fun play dates! And a great time at a birthday party at the gym! She loved the balance beam! We take her to the mall, to dinners, and to friends houses too! Larry's parents were able to visit in December for Christmas and we all really enjoyed their company and her spending time with them! My mom lovingly watches Emelia 4 days a week! It's great for both of them!
Emelia loves to make raspberries and can now sit up on her own. A few times she goes for a toy and face plants into the mat. One day she rolled over 3 times for me.. but since then its been a struggle! Here are a couple pictures of her. Today she weighs 14lbs 2 oz.. 4percentile!
Larry has been the best dad ever! Always playing with her and teaching her new things. And he makes all her food!
In the last few months we have done a lot! Mostly we try to spend time with Sarah, Jesse and Ava. We have had 2 sleepovers there which were a blast.. they are slowly starting to recognize each other! We have also had a few fun play dates! And a great time at a birthday party at the gym! She loved the balance beam! We take her to the mall, to dinners, and to friends houses too! Larry's parents were able to visit in December for Christmas and we all really enjoyed their company and her spending time with them! My mom lovingly watches Emelia 4 days a week! It's great for both of them!
 |
| Emmy and Ava |
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
The day has come... Dec 14th, 2010
Dear Left boob
The time has come. We grew up together for 35 years, bosom buddies, and shared many great times together.. .especially our 20s! And then this year you turned crazy on me and tried to kill me. So today you will be cut off from my life forever. You should have known better than to mess with my family and life! Don't worry, I am better off without you and you can be replaced! xoxo
Love, Right boob
The time has come. We grew up together for 35 years, bosom buddies, and shared many great times together.. .especially our 20s! And then this year you turned crazy on me and tried to kill me. So today you will be cut off from my life forever. You should have known better than to mess with my family and life! Don't worry, I am better off without you and you can be replaced! xoxo
Love, Right boob
Monday, October 18, 2010
Wow! It's really been that long??
Hi Everyone! I can't believe I haven't written since August?? What have I been doing?? Well I have to say I have been enjoying my time with Emelia!
But lets start with the cancer stuff. Today I am on my 10th dose of Taxol/Herceptin combo. 2 more to go of taxol. The worse part is how long it takes and that I miss Emelia! The best part is my mom takes me and we have fun talking. She is the best! Never complains and I know how boring it is to just sit there. Thanks mom! Second.. I usually take a little nap while there. The meds make me sleepy! But it's a good time to rest. We haven't brought Emelia yet because it's too long of a day. But we will in November when it's only 1.5 hours instead of 4. As for side effects... I am handling the chemo pretty well. I have some tingling in my feet , usually at night when I'm in bed is when i notice it. But it doesn't bother me too much. My hair just recently started to fall out again.. little at a time. It was growing for a while! 2 weeks ago or so i had the worse side effect! My taste buds changed and a great red wine tasted horrible!! But i have found some cheaper ones that taste good. So i'm ok!
The plan for the next few months... 2 more doses of taxol/herceptin. And then i switch to every 3 weeks of herceptin only. That will go until August 2011. Long way away.. In december I will have the mastectomy. Which i have accepted but still not ready for. I just hate that I have to lose my breast. I think it's harder to accept because I dont feel sick or feel like i have this deadly disease. But I do. So I will.
I think I will have a Bye Bye Boobie party in early december to help deal with the surgery! A lot of women do a party before the mastectomy and since I love to throw parties.. why not! You know I can make it a fun time.. Boobs is a great theme!
Ok next post will be about Babies!!
But lets start with the cancer stuff. Today I am on my 10th dose of Taxol/Herceptin combo. 2 more to go of taxol. The worse part is how long it takes and that I miss Emelia! The best part is my mom takes me and we have fun talking. She is the best! Never complains and I know how boring it is to just sit there. Thanks mom! Second.. I usually take a little nap while there. The meds make me sleepy! But it's a good time to rest. We haven't brought Emelia yet because it's too long of a day. But we will in November when it's only 1.5 hours instead of 4. As for side effects... I am handling the chemo pretty well. I have some tingling in my feet , usually at night when I'm in bed is when i notice it. But it doesn't bother me too much. My hair just recently started to fall out again.. little at a time. It was growing for a while! 2 weeks ago or so i had the worse side effect! My taste buds changed and a great red wine tasted horrible!! But i have found some cheaper ones that taste good. So i'm ok!
The plan for the next few months... 2 more doses of taxol/herceptin. And then i switch to every 3 weeks of herceptin only. That will go until August 2011. Long way away.. In december I will have the mastectomy. Which i have accepted but still not ready for. I just hate that I have to lose my breast. I think it's harder to accept because I dont feel sick or feel like i have this deadly disease. But I do. So I will.
I think I will have a Bye Bye Boobie party in early december to help deal with the surgery! A lot of women do a party before the mastectomy and since I love to throw parties.. why not! You know I can make it a fun time.. Boobs is a great theme!
Ok next post will be about Babies!!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Adjusting to our new life
Emelia is home and we are loving every minute of it.. even the 2am minutes! Wednesday was a big day! We got to the NICU around 11am and I was still in shock, excited and emotional but kept it in as much as I could! We quickly went through last minute notes, dressed her in her new going home dress, took some pictures and gave lots of hugs! We are so so grateful for the NICU and the nurses at the Brigham. Marcy and her other nurses just loved her and kept her happy and healthy and we couldn't thank them enough! We will miss them but will visit!! The ride home wasn't too bad, Larry drove the best he ever has for me, slow and cautious, and I sat in the back watching her. She didn't move, just slept the entire ride home. Once home, a quick diaper change and feeding and then time to sleep again. She adjusted very well. That evening we had a little welcome home Emelia dinner party with the grandparents, balloons, flowers, cake and champagne!! (first glass in 10 months!! ) Emelia even woke up for everyone with eyes wide open and all "smiles" -could be gas :)
One of the best moments was a little later.. She had spit milk up thru her nose and was crying and I wanted Larry to help me clean her out but he was outside.. maybe too much was going on for her. So I took her upstairs and walked around, holding her and talking to her, showing Emelia her new bedrooms. And she stopped crying, and just stared at me, peaceful. This was it, it is real, she is here. I was a mom, her mom, and she knew it and she was comforted. And together we just stared at each other knowing life would be great together! I am so in love with her!
The first night was interesting. It's so quiet at home compared to the NICU and boy does she make some noises when she sleeps! Grunts and squirms... I laid in bed and listened to her all night and every 5 minutes or so got up, looked in at her sleeping in her cradle, made sure she didn't spit up, was still breathing and then laid down again. Repeat.
At 1 am I took her downstairs so Larry could sleep and fed her. This is my favorite time with her. Just Emelia and me. On my couch, no one around. Feeding her as she looks up at me with those big eyes, and then holding her on my chest until she falls back to sleep.
Thursday was a great day. She met Grandpa Byrne who was in awe of her! And she met her doctor who said she was doing great. Now 4lbs 13 ounces!! She also answered some questions and made us comfortable with the big change! Then the metrowest news paper came and did a follow up article of us and Emelia being home (see link below). He tried to get pics of her eyes open but she was just too sleepy! And then later we took her in the stroller for a walk up and down the street! She slept through it all but I know she enjoyed it!
Friday was just Emelia and I most of the day, feeding and sleeping. She turned 1 month friday already! She eats a great amount and can give us some strong burps! When Daddy comes home he takes her in his arms for hours! Last night was a little easier for me to relax while she slept but she was pretty fussy after eating at midnight. We will get there with the feedings. We are just so happy and excited to have her home and inour lives!!
More pics to come soon.. I promise!
xoxo
http://www.metrowestdailynews.com/features/x259327734/Framingham-woman-with-breast-cancer-has-her-baby
One of the best moments was a little later.. She had spit milk up thru her nose and was crying and I wanted Larry to help me clean her out but he was outside.. maybe too much was going on for her. So I took her upstairs and walked around, holding her and talking to her, showing Emelia her new bedrooms. And she stopped crying, and just stared at me, peaceful. This was it, it is real, she is here. I was a mom, her mom, and she knew it and she was comforted. And together we just stared at each other knowing life would be great together! I am so in love with her!
The first night was interesting. It's so quiet at home compared to the NICU and boy does she make some noises when she sleeps! Grunts and squirms... I laid in bed and listened to her all night and every 5 minutes or so got up, looked in at her sleeping in her cradle, made sure she didn't spit up, was still breathing and then laid down again. Repeat.
At 1 am I took her downstairs so Larry could sleep and fed her. This is my favorite time with her. Just Emelia and me. On my couch, no one around. Feeding her as she looks up at me with those big eyes, and then holding her on my chest until she falls back to sleep.
Thursday was a great day. She met Grandpa Byrne who was in awe of her! And she met her doctor who said she was doing great. Now 4lbs 13 ounces!! She also answered some questions and made us comfortable with the big change! Then the metrowest news paper came and did a follow up article of us and Emelia being home (see link below). He tried to get pics of her eyes open but she was just too sleepy! And then later we took her in the stroller for a walk up and down the street! She slept through it all but I know she enjoyed it!
Friday was just Emelia and I most of the day, feeding and sleeping. She turned 1 month friday already! She eats a great amount and can give us some strong burps! When Daddy comes home he takes her in his arms for hours! Last night was a little easier for me to relax while she slept but she was pretty fussy after eating at midnight. We will get there with the feedings. We are just so happy and excited to have her home and inour lives!!
More pics to come soon.. I promise!
xoxo
http://www.metrowestdailynews.com/features/x259327734/Framingham-woman-with-breast-cancer-has-her-baby
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The big day has come!!
Now I can't sleep from excitement! Just when it was getting annoying and old.. I was told Emelia could come home! We were told this weekend it would be soon.. possible this week. Then told on Monday it would be Wednesday but we still didn't want to get our hopes up. Then yesterday we went over everything and I really believe today is it!!! I am so happy. Finally!! Of course I'm a bit nervous and like every mom I will stare at her all night but I am so excited! I think Larry is too since he didn't sleep much! I had a great day with Emelia yesterday. She really has changed and grown so much stronger and mature in her feedings. To all you NICU moms... there is a happy take home baby day coming soon!
Of course I will write more when I have time! and I know I still have more pics to post! Oh and I feel great from chemo dose 2- my hair hasn't fallen out yet.. its really a thick peach fuzz these days... and I haven't had any side effects from the taxol/herceptin that I can tell yet.
One more thing.. I met another young girl with breast cancer yesterday who is 26 weeks pregnant. She has her mastectomy today and there is a chance she will have to deliver her baby. Please keep her and her baby in your thoughts today.
xoxo
Of course I will write more when I have time! and I know I still have more pics to post! Oh and I feel great from chemo dose 2- my hair hasn't fallen out yet.. its really a thick peach fuzz these days... and I haven't had any side effects from the taxol/herceptin that I can tell yet.
One more thing.. I met another young girl with breast cancer yesterday who is 26 weeks pregnant. She has her mastectomy today and there is a chance she will have to deliver her baby. Please keep her and her baby in your thoughts today.
xoxo
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The NICU emotional roller coaster- stong momma has the baby blues!
ok i started this on Friday and then googled kicked me out and lost half of my post.. so i will continue now...
So today is Emelia's 3 weeks! So So very hard to believe it has already been 3 weeks since I finally met my princess but even more so - so much harder to believe she is still not home. I guess this post is for any other mother that has to deal with the NICU experience... it is its own roller coaster of emotions!
The very first few days I was just so happy to have her.. she was alive and looked so normal. She was delivered from me and I could hold her finally! No matter what people had told me, all while going thru the chemo with her I was so scared it would either make her so unhealthy when born, or so skinny or even not look like a baby girl. So the first couple of days I was just so excited to see her and show her to everyone.. I was on this happy adrenaline rush. Then after the weekend, the normal fears of the NICU kicked in. I actually had worked in a NICU back when I was working at UMass so I knew what it would look like.. I was familiar with small babies, tubes connected to them and them being in an isolette box and monitors all around. It's still different when your own is in there. At first you stare at the monitors or jump whenever an alarm goes off, and look for the closest nurse. You have this constant fear that this peaceful sleeping baby is just going to have so major issue and everything will get worse. Even if your baby is doing well you hear other babies' alarms go off or see them in a worse condition and you worry that will happen to yours. I was scared, I was excited to have her but I still didn't grasp that she was mine yet.. I think i wasn't ready to accept it because I was afraid something could still happen.
I think about 4 or 5 days into it I finally had my breakdown and just cried. They warned us that all moms have the baby blues at some point after delivery and yes I had them.. or have them I should say... The best thing that helped was just spending alone time with her, holding her, feeling and seeing her comfortable on me. It took a few days, and many talks with nurses, doctors and social worker, to understand she is doing great and is strong and will be ok. And that what I am feeling is normal. And then it was time for me to go home but not Emelia. I actually did better than I thought I would with this first night, probably because I had talked so much out with counselor and nurses. I knew she was in the best hands possible, I knew I could go see her whenever I wanted, even 4 am, and stay as long as I wanted, and I knew she needed to get stronger so we could take her home. And my parents and grandma came over and made dinner so that was a great distraction. But leaving her still sucked. And still sucks every night. Of course when home I tried to get as much done as I can, try to stay busy or try to rest. At first I called at night and in the morning to check on her. Now I just know she had a great night and I will see her soon.
After adjusting to having Emelia and then having Emelia in the NICU and being ok... we adjusted to our new daily schedule. Both of us want to learn as much as we can and do as much as we can with her now so we can be comfortable when she is home. Emelia eats every 3 hours. During this time is when her diaper is changed and temp is taken and usually she is somewhat awake and alert. We typically are there for 2 feedings and the 3 hours in between at least every day.. We get there at 1:30 in the afternoon for her 2pm feed, hold or cuddle her from 3-5 (we trade off on this altho I think Larry hogs her!) and then feed her for her 5pm feed and head home around 7. Larry is amazing at this. He has jumped right in and done everything and asked so many helpful questions. Our nurse is also so wonderful, all of them are. Showing us what to do once but then having us feed her, having us watch Emelia's expressions, colors in her face, how to handle if she chokes or is struggling to take a deep breath. Larry is more confident at this.. and maybe more confident in Emelia's ability to recover on her own but I am getting there.. We look less at the monitors and more at her face.
The big thing that is hard to deal with is time.. a typical mom has 24 hours a day to be with their newborn. We usually only have 6 hrs with her. Its probably the hardest thing to accept that i am not with her when I want to be or all the time. And then when i am with her and larry is holding her for 2 hours and all i can do is sit there and watch them.. i feel like i am wasting my time and should be doing laundry or baby room stuff.. or even editing pics. and then i feel guilty for thinking that. and then when family come to visit you feel bad that they can only spend 5 to 20 mins with her .. but when I only have 2 hours to hold her.. its so hard to give her up for an hour for everyone else too. I actually have learned to really enjoy these hours with just Emelia and Larry.. no computers, no facebook.. Larry and I have just sat and talked.. mostly about her, but also about work and us and how we will deal at home. Or we discuss the preemie book Larry bought. Of course he bought a book- what kind of engineer would he be if he couldn't research something fully! I still wish I could be with her at my home all day and night reading and figuring thing out!
3 weeks is a long time.. even if it has gone by fast... it gets real old fast. Sometimes i feel like she isn't my baby yet.. just someone I am visiting every day.. it's definitely hard. I want her home so much. Sometimes you think this NICU thing will never end. Esp when you see some "big" kids still in the NICU. Emelia is so small but she is so strong and such a fighter! She has really impressed me with her progress. Bottle feeding - no more feeding tube! in her open crib! and gaining weight everyday! I know the day will happen soon. And even when i am scared to have her home without nurses and monitors.. I am ready.
Today we were told she is doing great! And to get ready for her to come home soon. We try not to get our hopes up yet... but we are ready whenever she is!
Thanks to everyone for the cards and gifts.. thank you cards will come eventually when the birth announcements are done.. but please know we are so grateful for your love!
As for me.. the first chemo on monday wasn't bad at all.. just long and i was tired monday night.. tomorrow is dose 2!
xoxo
So today is Emelia's 3 weeks! So So very hard to believe it has already been 3 weeks since I finally met my princess but even more so - so much harder to believe she is still not home. I guess this post is for any other mother that has to deal with the NICU experience... it is its own roller coaster of emotions!
The very first few days I was just so happy to have her.. she was alive and looked so normal. She was delivered from me and I could hold her finally! No matter what people had told me, all while going thru the chemo with her I was so scared it would either make her so unhealthy when born, or so skinny or even not look like a baby girl. So the first couple of days I was just so excited to see her and show her to everyone.. I was on this happy adrenaline rush. Then after the weekend, the normal fears of the NICU kicked in. I actually had worked in a NICU back when I was working at UMass so I knew what it would look like.. I was familiar with small babies, tubes connected to them and them being in an isolette box and monitors all around. It's still different when your own is in there. At first you stare at the monitors or jump whenever an alarm goes off, and look for the closest nurse. You have this constant fear that this peaceful sleeping baby is just going to have so major issue and everything will get worse. Even if your baby is doing well you hear other babies' alarms go off or see them in a worse condition and you worry that will happen to yours. I was scared, I was excited to have her but I still didn't grasp that she was mine yet.. I think i wasn't ready to accept it because I was afraid something could still happen.
I think about 4 or 5 days into it I finally had my breakdown and just cried. They warned us that all moms have the baby blues at some point after delivery and yes I had them.. or have them I should say... The best thing that helped was just spending alone time with her, holding her, feeling and seeing her comfortable on me. It took a few days, and many talks with nurses, doctors and social worker, to understand she is doing great and is strong and will be ok. And that what I am feeling is normal. And then it was time for me to go home but not Emelia. I actually did better than I thought I would with this first night, probably because I had talked so much out with counselor and nurses. I knew she was in the best hands possible, I knew I could go see her whenever I wanted, even 4 am, and stay as long as I wanted, and I knew she needed to get stronger so we could take her home. And my parents and grandma came over and made dinner so that was a great distraction. But leaving her still sucked. And still sucks every night. Of course when home I tried to get as much done as I can, try to stay busy or try to rest. At first I called at night and in the morning to check on her. Now I just know she had a great night and I will see her soon.
After adjusting to having Emelia and then having Emelia in the NICU and being ok... we adjusted to our new daily schedule. Both of us want to learn as much as we can and do as much as we can with her now so we can be comfortable when she is home. Emelia eats every 3 hours. During this time is when her diaper is changed and temp is taken and usually she is somewhat awake and alert. We typically are there for 2 feedings and the 3 hours in between at least every day.. We get there at 1:30 in the afternoon for her 2pm feed, hold or cuddle her from 3-5 (we trade off on this altho I think Larry hogs her!) and then feed her for her 5pm feed and head home around 7. Larry is amazing at this. He has jumped right in and done everything and asked so many helpful questions. Our nurse is also so wonderful, all of them are. Showing us what to do once but then having us feed her, having us watch Emelia's expressions, colors in her face, how to handle if she chokes or is struggling to take a deep breath. Larry is more confident at this.. and maybe more confident in Emelia's ability to recover on her own but I am getting there.. We look less at the monitors and more at her face.
The big thing that is hard to deal with is time.. a typical mom has 24 hours a day to be with their newborn. We usually only have 6 hrs with her. Its probably the hardest thing to accept that i am not with her when I want to be or all the time. And then when i am with her and larry is holding her for 2 hours and all i can do is sit there and watch them.. i feel like i am wasting my time and should be doing laundry or baby room stuff.. or even editing pics. and then i feel guilty for thinking that. and then when family come to visit you feel bad that they can only spend 5 to 20 mins with her .. but when I only have 2 hours to hold her.. its so hard to give her up for an hour for everyone else too. I actually have learned to really enjoy these hours with just Emelia and Larry.. no computers, no facebook.. Larry and I have just sat and talked.. mostly about her, but also about work and us and how we will deal at home. Or we discuss the preemie book Larry bought. Of course he bought a book- what kind of engineer would he be if he couldn't research something fully! I still wish I could be with her at my home all day and night reading and figuring thing out!
3 weeks is a long time.. even if it has gone by fast... it gets real old fast. Sometimes i feel like she isn't my baby yet.. just someone I am visiting every day.. it's definitely hard. I want her home so much. Sometimes you think this NICU thing will never end. Esp when you see some "big" kids still in the NICU. Emelia is so small but she is so strong and such a fighter! She has really impressed me with her progress. Bottle feeding - no more feeding tube! in her open crib! and gaining weight everyday! I know the day will happen soon. And even when i am scared to have her home without nurses and monitors.. I am ready.
Today we were told she is doing great! And to get ready for her to come home soon. We try not to get our hopes up yet... but we are ready whenever she is!
Thanks to everyone for the cards and gifts.. thank you cards will come eventually when the birth announcements are done.. but please know we are so grateful for your love!
As for me.. the first chemo on monday wasn't bad at all.. just long and i was tired monday night.. tomorrow is dose 2!
xoxo
Monday, August 16, 2010
Emelia's two weeks in the Nicu... the facts
Emelia is doing great! It still amazes me how someone so little and early can be so perfect.. and come from inside me. Amazing too how this is what is inside Sarah right now!!! I can not wait to see her baby!! As much as I want her to deliver soon.. I hope her baby waits until at least 38 weeks!!
As for Emelia she was born at 3 lbs 9 ounces on Friday July 30th.. making her 2 weeks and 3 days old today! She has been breathing on her own since that day, its getting really good at regulating her temperature, no heart issues or long apneas or slow heart rates. And she poops! A lot! Dad is a great diaper changer!
She is really learning how to drink from the bottle! Which is all we need for her to come home! Right now she gets fed every 3 hours, taking every other from the bottle usually and then sleeps thru the next one. And after the initial weight loss.. she is now gaining daily.. for all you engineers - check out the graph for details!! haha
As for Emelia she was born at 3 lbs 9 ounces on Friday July 30th.. making her 2 weeks and 3 days old today! She has been breathing on her own since that day, its getting really good at regulating her temperature, no heart issues or long apneas or slow heart rates. And she poops! A lot! Dad is a great diaper changer!
She is really learning how to drink from the bottle! Which is all we need for her to come home! Right now she gets fed every 3 hours, taking every other from the bottle usually and then sleeps thru the next one. And after the initial weight loss.. she is now gaining daily.. for all you engineers - check out the graph for details!! haha
We are hopeful that she will be in home in 2 weeks! Besides that.. she loves to be cuddled! Really by anyone but i think she enjoys her Kangaroo time with daddy the most! She sleeps so well on him!
The NICU is just so wonderful! Especially her nurses! They love her and cuddle with her and take good care of her! I have no worries she is in great hands! They teach us so much too. I feel more prepared each day and less scared.
I have so many pics that iI spend time editing.. but for now I have uploaded her first week on facebook and snapfish. The link to photos is on the RIGHT TOP!!!
xoxo
1s Annual Run, Walk or Crawl results!!
On August 7th we had a very successful 1st event!! And yes I was there to join in the fun and cause! Emelia had to stay in the NICU but i'm sure she wanted to be there instead!
We had about 200 people! about 162 racers and many volunteers and family supporting them! Before the race there was music and trainers helping people warm up! Promise to Me was there, as well as a young girl selling hope necklaces and photographers - pictures will be on website soon!! Our winner, a Hologic employee, came in under 20 mins! It was great weather and a wonderful time by everyone!
And the best news!!! We raised over $16,738!!!! Friday Amy and I went to Dana-Farber to deliver the money and they were as pleased and excited as we were!! Great job and many thanks to everyone who come out to support us or donated!!
xoxo
We had about 200 people! about 162 racers and many volunteers and family supporting them! Before the race there was music and trainers helping people warm up! Promise to Me was there, as well as a young girl selling hope necklaces and photographers - pictures will be on website soon!! Our winner, a Hologic employee, came in under 20 mins! It was great weather and a wonderful time by everyone!
And the best news!!! We raised over $16,738!!!! Friday Amy and I went to Dana-Farber to deliver the money and they were as pleased and excited as we were!! Great job and many thanks to everyone who come out to support us or donated!!
xoxo
updates updates updates!! and more chemo
First I apologize for my delay in writing!! I'm just trying to get YOU ready for when Emelia comes home and I really have no time to write! jk. But really even tho she is in the NICU it seems I am still really busy! Between driving to Boston and spending time with her.. to coming home and trying to wash her blankets and tiny clothes and somewhat organize her things! So I am going to post a few blog post today about everything that has happened in the last 2+ weeks!
As for me- not as exciting as Emmy - but I am feeling great and really enjoyed a few weeks off from cancer! Last week I met with oncologist and they were excited to let me know I could start chemo earlier! Yippee!
So here I am! Today in Boston..getting my first does of the strong chemo. Taxol and Herceptin. So far DF is running very behind with me!! About an hour and half late! But things are going now. They say the effects are less then my AC chemo. We'll see! Larry is splitting his time between me and Emmy, running between the buildings!
So now i have some downtime! So enjoy the post!
As for me- not as exciting as Emmy - but I am feeling great and really enjoyed a few weeks off from cancer! Last week I met with oncologist and they were excited to let me know I could start chemo earlier! Yippee!
So here I am! Today in Boston..getting my first does of the strong chemo. Taxol and Herceptin. So far DF is running very behind with me!! About an hour and half late! But things are going now. They say the effects are less then my AC chemo. We'll see! Larry is splitting his time between me and Emmy, running between the buildings!
So now i have some downtime! So enjoy the post!
Friday, August 6, 2010
RACE DAY TOMORROW!!!
Emelia is doing great! It's hard to leave her at night but I know she is getting stronger each day and will be home soon! And we fed her a bottle yesterday and today!! I love that her nurses push her!! And she is ready for the challenge! I think she wants to go to the race tomorrow!
Race day is here tomorrow!! THIS IS WHY WE DO THIS!! So no parent has to see their child suffer. No child has to lose their parent too soon. So no friend has to watch another friend in pain.
Exciting Race day tomorrow to raise money for Dana-Farber and all cancer research!! We will NOT lay down to cancer!
GET UP AND FIGHT WITH US!!
Donate today!! http://www.wontlaydown2cancer.com/
Race day is here tomorrow!! THIS IS WHY WE DO THIS!! So no parent has to see their child suffer. No child has to lose their parent too soon. So no friend has to watch another friend in pain.
Exciting Race day tomorrow to raise money for Dana-Farber and all cancer research!! We will NOT lay down to cancer!
GET UP AND FIGHT WITH US!!
Donate today!! http://www.wontlaydown2cancer.com/
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
You'll be blessed
I apologize for not writing yet - promise I have all the details in my head! I have just been busy with Emelia and when I'm not with her I stare at her pictures! She is doing great! Eating, pooping, sleeping and making funny faces! The nurses in the NICU are wonderful, telling us everything and teaching us so much more! Keeping her and her parents so happy! We had a busy 3 days showing her off to family and friends.. she loves making faces for them! And in between Larry and I enjoy our alone time with her. He is so in love with her I melt every time I see him smile and change a diaper! He even spoiled her and bought her new clothes! Daddy's girl at day 1! More details to come once I'm home!
Thank you to everyone for all the well wishes and blessings!!! She really is loved and blessed so much!! This song is to thank you!! I added some lyrics to this beautiful song from Elton John so you can cry and share in my hormone craziness! youtube it to make it more emotional! :)
love you and thank you- becky, larry and emelia
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIYsjIm3zqU&feature=related
Blessed - Elton John
Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed
I know you're still just a dream
your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed
And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed
I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed
And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed
Friday, July 30, 2010
Emelia Giovannina Byrne 7.30.10
Baby Emelia Giovannina Byrne is here! 7/30/10 11:14am 3lbs 9 ounces 16.5 inches long.. breathing on her own!! doing great!! i'm so in love!! * Giovannina is named after my grandma Jennie DiCicco.. her Italian birth name!
She is doing so great for 33 weeks.. 3lbs 9 ounces!!
She is doing so great for 33 weeks.. 3lbs 9 ounces!!
heading down soon!!
they just told me to get ready.. they are bringing me down soon!! yipppppeeeee ok now im excited.. and listening to lady gaga to wake her up!! dad is all ready.. camera, text message ready to be sent to about 60 people..
love you!!
love you!!
today is the day!! - 7 hours to vote for name- haha
i know its early and i should be sleeping.. this will be quick.. i just cant sleep!! i couldn't eat anything after midnight... so they have me on an IV... so i am still filled with fluids! and have to pee! and now awake for a bit.
i think I'm still in shock it is finally happening. I am very excited..a little emotional :) a little nervous... not for the surgery - just for her to come out and be ok. I know she will be ok.. i just hope she will be ok right away! after a quick view, my mom had to wait almost 15 hours to see Sarah after she was born. thank god they do things a little different these days! we had a tour of the NICU and everyone was so nice and they really want you to be involved a lot, hold her, skin to skin, feed her. Those babies are tiny! but so beautiful. But I know they will take care of her and me!
Anyone would be upset if they had to wait 15 hours to see Sarah!! And Sarah came out perfect!! She is the best sister in the world. I can't wait to see her and show her her niece!! She has been by my side for this journey since we started trying in 2005!! I was really hoping I would experience some labor/contractions and she could come and see and watch and know what to look forward to!! and also make fun of me with Larry. They know I hate hot flashes! But she will have to figure labor out on her own! Hopefully with me by her side in September!!
And my parents!! After looking after kids for 26 years.. they will finally have a grandchild of their own to spoil!!! Any my grandmother- will be a great grandmother at 92!! I just can't wait for them to see her!
I think what will make me cry the most is seeing Larry's face!! Will he cry? And him holding her. He has been amazing. reading everything, telling me everything and being by my side. It was great to have him hang out with me today.. I hope he is getting a good night sleep at home cause it will be his last!!! He will be a great dad!!
Thank you everyone for helping me get thru 2010 so far!! it has been crazy!! I couldn't have done it without you!!
Soon all that WE ALL have been waiting for will be here!!! And of course we will post a picture by Friday night.. I'm not promising but you know me by now!
Love you xoxo
i think I'm still in shock it is finally happening. I am very excited..a little emotional :) a little nervous... not for the surgery - just for her to come out and be ok. I know she will be ok.. i just hope she will be ok right away! after a quick view, my mom had to wait almost 15 hours to see Sarah after she was born. thank god they do things a little different these days! we had a tour of the NICU and everyone was so nice and they really want you to be involved a lot, hold her, skin to skin, feed her. Those babies are tiny! but so beautiful. But I know they will take care of her and me!
Anyone would be upset if they had to wait 15 hours to see Sarah!! And Sarah came out perfect!! She is the best sister in the world. I can't wait to see her and show her her niece!! She has been by my side for this journey since we started trying in 2005!! I was really hoping I would experience some labor/contractions and she could come and see and watch and know what to look forward to!! and also make fun of me with Larry. They know I hate hot flashes! But she will have to figure labor out on her own! Hopefully with me by her side in September!!
And my parents!! After looking after kids for 26 years.. they will finally have a grandchild of their own to spoil!!! Any my grandmother- will be a great grandmother at 92!! I just can't wait for them to see her!
I think what will make me cry the most is seeing Larry's face!! Will he cry? And him holding her. He has been amazing. reading everything, telling me everything and being by my side. It was great to have him hang out with me today.. I hope he is getting a good night sleep at home cause it will be his last!!! He will be a great dad!!
Thank you everyone for helping me get thru 2010 so far!! it has been crazy!! I couldn't have done it without you!!
Soon all that WE ALL have been waiting for will be here!!! And of course we will post a picture by Friday night.. I'm not promising but you know me by now!
Love you xoxo
Thursday, July 29, 2010
2 weeks?? oh no.. 2 days!!! and new poll!
Tuesday I was at 33 weeks.. thinking ok we have about 2 weeks to go. Everyone has been telling us to get more prepared. So I finally washed some baby clothes, finalized a date for furniture delivery, and Larry ordered the video camera. At work, chatting with Sarah, we talked about how I will just have a date to go in and have baby. She thought I was lucky.. no guessing when I would be in labor or wondering when water would break. I teased her.. she could be anywhere... store, work, couch.. and Jesse would have to start timing contractions!
Then yesterday, after enjoying a great lunch with friends, we headed back to work and pop! I wasn't sure if I peed my pants or my water broke!! In my friend's car!! Sorry T -Good thing for leather seats. She drove me home to meet up with Larry and again more fluid. (Water breaking wasn't a huge gush but many small gushes and it's a pretty gross feeling!)
Larry and I made it to B & W hospital and had an ultrasound. My fluid was low but baby was doing well.. but she is breech. Then we went to the labor triage. For 5 hours I basically laid there as they monitored the heart rate, checked for contractions (none), had some blood drawn, confirmed it was amniotic fluid, and gave me 3 cervical exams.. not fun. Oh and a shot in the ass of steroids to improve baby's lungs!
Finally a plan, admit me to the 8th floor, hang out for a day or so and schedule a c section for Friday! This Friday!! 2 days!! She will be even earlier then we thought and most likely will be in the Nicu for 2 weeks to help with feeding and make her gain some weight! I'm not to worried about it - B& W is one of the best hospitals in the country. But I will miss holding her a lot right away.
So here I am.. in my room hanging out. It's not to bad.. better then most hotels! Private room and shower. Free Internet and tv. Room service from 7am to 8pm. Quiet for a hospital. And my nurse is great so far. (breast cancer survivor of 10 years) Except for the 5:30am wake up call. But I'll nap later!
I added a new poll. We are curious what name you like best. Don't worry- we will still pick what we want! And probably wait until we see her! But take the poll on the top left anyways for fun!
I'll keep you updated.. since I'm on bed rest til Friday!
Then yesterday, after enjoying a great lunch with friends, we headed back to work and pop! I wasn't sure if I peed my pants or my water broke!! In my friend's car!! Sorry T -Good thing for leather seats. She drove me home to meet up with Larry and again more fluid. (Water breaking wasn't a huge gush but many small gushes and it's a pretty gross feeling!)
Larry and I made it to B & W hospital and had an ultrasound. My fluid was low but baby was doing well.. but she is breech. Then we went to the labor triage. For 5 hours I basically laid there as they monitored the heart rate, checked for contractions (none), had some blood drawn, confirmed it was amniotic fluid, and gave me 3 cervical exams.. not fun. Oh and a shot in the ass of steroids to improve baby's lungs!
Finally a plan, admit me to the 8th floor, hang out for a day or so and schedule a c section for Friday! This Friday!! 2 days!! She will be even earlier then we thought and most likely will be in the Nicu for 2 weeks to help with feeding and make her gain some weight! I'm not to worried about it - B& W is one of the best hospitals in the country. But I will miss holding her a lot right away.
So here I am.. in my room hanging out. It's not to bad.. better then most hotels! Private room and shower. Free Internet and tv. Room service from 7am to 8pm. Quiet for a hospital. And my nurse is great so far. (breast cancer survivor of 10 years) Except for the 5:30am wake up call. But I'll nap later!
I added a new poll. We are curious what name you like best. Don't worry- we will still pick what we want! And probably wait until we see her! But take the poll on the top left anyways for fun!
I'll keep you updated.. since I'm on bed rest til Friday!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Walk this road together
So as you read in the news articles etc.. about 1 in 3000 pregnancies are complicated by breast cancer. Not too rare. Before me I didn't know anyone until I met my inspiration angel Rebecca. But I wasn't looking either. This week has brought so many new people into my life. Whether it's from facebook, emails, the wontlaydown2cancer.com site or this blog, people have reached out to share their stories with me. I am not rare. I am not alone. And they also are not alone.
At age 32, 33, 34, 37, 38, 41, no family history, some family history, months after having a baby, 11 weeks pregnant, 14 weeks pregnant, 27 weeks pregnant, 7 months pregnant, first child, 3rd child, chemo, mastectomy, radiation. While our journeys may be slightly different.. they are all related. We have hope, we have fight in us, we have friends and family for support. In some ways our children or soon to be children saved our lives; through an early detection, giving us a positive distraction or giving us more determination to survive.
I was hesitant to do the article at first, everyone would see me bald, everyone would see me scared and emotional. But then I did the article and news video for 2 reasons: to raise awareness of breast cancer; it can happen at any age, any family history, any time in your life; so remember... feel your boobs! Second to promote our 1st Annual race to raise money for all cancer research because even though I am lucky to afford treatments, I can't afford to not be there for my daughter, or to have to watch her go through this in 20 years. Better research has to continue. But after this week of sharing emotional stories a 3rd reason appeared. Just as Rebecca was able to make me feel comfort and hope, I hope this media attention has allowed me to help others know there are options, they are not alone and this is hope for a wonderful future with a healthy child and mom!
This weekend I spoke with a woman who has just started this unchosen journey. At 11 weeks pregnant, in early July, she was diagnosed Her2+ breast cancer. After first being told to terminate, she also made it to Dana-Farber for a better treatment plan. Just now going through the weeks of confusion, meetings with doctors, reading, questions, she has the exact path to take as I am; lumpectomy, chemo, early delivery, more chemo...
While I appreciate and love all the "you are so strong and amazing" I know many moms would do anything for their children. And I know all of these new moms I have communicated with have fought cancer just as strongly as I am, for their children. And together we should inspire and help those now facing cancer to be strong as well.
As you pray for me, please keep these women in your hearts, as their journey continues, and please think of this new woman that she also is lucky to have the support I have, to make her positive and strong, and trust her baby will be ok.
So of course I found a music quote to go with this! And I used to dislike Eminem! I know this song isn't about cancer but his own strength to overcome a struggle. But when I heard the lyrics it made me think of the women who have reached out to me recently.
Thanks for all the love and support - xoxo
At age 32, 33, 34, 37, 38, 41, no family history, some family history, months after having a baby, 11 weeks pregnant, 14 weeks pregnant, 27 weeks pregnant, 7 months pregnant, first child, 3rd child, chemo, mastectomy, radiation. While our journeys may be slightly different.. they are all related. We have hope, we have fight in us, we have friends and family for support. In some ways our children or soon to be children saved our lives; through an early detection, giving us a positive distraction or giving us more determination to survive.
I was hesitant to do the article at first, everyone would see me bald, everyone would see me scared and emotional. But then I did the article and news video for 2 reasons: to raise awareness of breast cancer; it can happen at any age, any family history, any time in your life; so remember... feel your boobs! Second to promote our 1st Annual race to raise money for all cancer research because even though I am lucky to afford treatments, I can't afford to not be there for my daughter, or to have to watch her go through this in 20 years. Better research has to continue. But after this week of sharing emotional stories a 3rd reason appeared. Just as Rebecca was able to make me feel comfort and hope, I hope this media attention has allowed me to help others know there are options, they are not alone and this is hope for a wonderful future with a healthy child and mom!
This weekend I spoke with a woman who has just started this unchosen journey. At 11 weeks pregnant, in early July, she was diagnosed Her2+ breast cancer. After first being told to terminate, she also made it to Dana-Farber for a better treatment plan. Just now going through the weeks of confusion, meetings with doctors, reading, questions, she has the exact path to take as I am; lumpectomy, chemo, early delivery, more chemo...
While I appreciate and love all the "you are so strong and amazing" I know many moms would do anything for their children. And I know all of these new moms I have communicated with have fought cancer just as strongly as I am, for their children. And together we should inspire and help those now facing cancer to be strong as well.
As you pray for me, please keep these women in your hearts, as their journey continues, and please think of this new woman that she also is lucky to have the support I have, to make her positive and strong, and trust her baby will be ok.
So of course I found a music quote to go with this! And I used to dislike Eminem! I know this song isn't about cancer but his own strength to overcome a struggle. But when I heard the lyrics it made me think of the women who have reached out to me recently.
I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you’re not alone
Holla if you feel like you’ve been down the same road
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