"What a difference a year makes".... has been the thought that keeps running through my mind lately. Typically when I have a birthday I think back over the year; what I struggled with, what I enjoyed the most, what I have accomplished or hadn't yet, how I have grown and what is important for me in the new year to come. Even before the cancer I have always known we are only in this life for an unknown time period, whatever it may be, so make the most of it now! In someways, be selfish and do the things you want to do, for you, not for others - they have their life too, but this is your only chance to explore the world, experience life's great gifts, and be with the people that are important to you. Do not waste time regretting things in the past, acknowledge them, grow from them, but let them go and move forward. Live your life!
I am very satisfied in what I have accomplished over the last 34 years; college- both for the degrees and living the college life with great friends, traveling to Europe to live in Italy for a summer, Partying in NYC for many, many weekends, or even experiencing a Woodstock weekend in the 90s; finding a great husband and traveling to so many parts of the world with him, then finding a great home, and successful jobs we enjoy. But of course I have a much bigger, growing "bucket" list that year by year I hope to accomplish; including having at least one child and raising her with Larry, remaining close with my family, continuing to socialize (although not the same partying as in my 20s) but still growing old with my fun friends, and traveling the rest of the world.
Probably the most important thing I learned when I was 34 came from my infertility mind/body class. This current struggle in your life is just a short time period in your lifetime, it is NOT your entire life. In a year so much can happen, and so much can change, both difficult things and amazingly great experiences. Wouldn't this have been so helpful when I was younger and spent days crying over a guy? Just to realize a year later I would be laughing that I even liked such a loser!
Two years ago was a tough year. My family had lost a few relatives. I was a very lucky grandchild, I had all 4 grandparents in my life until I was 30 years old, had even met 3 great grandparents when younger, 2 whom I remember so well since I was an early teen before they passed. So by two years ago I had lost one grandmother, then 3 great aunts and then in March 08 my grandfather DiCicco passed away. This was really hard for me, not only cause I loved him so much but also to see my Grandmother DiCicco lose her husband and be alone. We are extremely close and she has taught me so much! But in 08 it was also a great year for Larry. In 07 was his emergency surgery and by the summer 08 he was back to being healthy and active again.
In 09 - at 34, I was still struggling with trying to get pregnant. Oddly enough I was actually more depressed or frustrated with my life circumstances then I am now. So far anyways, infertility just hit me so much harder and was a stronger, more difficult battle. Check back next year to see if I still feel the same way!
But 09 also created one of my favorite memories!!! Traveling to Italy with my family! My 92 yr old gram, my parents, Sarah & Jesse, Uncle Ted and cousins Pete and Laura - 9 of us -sometimes packed in a van, touring Florence, Sorrento, Capri, Rome and my favorite, Panni! A little hillside village where my grandmother's family grew up, where my great grandparents were born! And we even met relatives including my grandmother's cousin! Amazing experience.
And now at 35, I may have a new struggle to face but in a year from now the toughest part will be past me. And I know I can do this. And from just 1 year ago, my struggle with infertility is over! I am pregnant and having a baby! Soon too! This will be the best experience of being 35!
I experienced and learned so much while 34; to see things day by day, to know it's ok to cry and be emotional but to see things logically too, to be hopeful, to enjoy things in life daily, and to breathe! Each year has good and bad, but in a year so much can change, so in between your struggles with the bad, enjoy the good life has to offer! Good and bad experiences will happen but your family, friends and the world, will be there year after year and that is all you need! Oh and you are never too old to get a passport and travel to Italy! xoxo
This 3rd dose of chemo went well also. Only side effect - tired! But that could also be from being pregnant and being so busy the last 3 weeks with 2 baby showers and lots of family time! Debbie leaves today after 3 weeks! She was a great help and will be missed until August! Who will watch the bachelorette with me? Then again, in 6 weeks, who will have time for reality tv shows! 
